HOW TO LIVE

Good stories, sad stories, touching text messages, sad experiences make me cry. And a week ago I had a series of good cries and I felt good!

A good friend of mine needed my assistance on a paper he is working on. I have to research on something, so I buried myself into pile of books and reading materials to come up with something good. I spent days and nights reading and surfing the internet because I don’t want to disappoint a friend who seldom runs to me for help. Little did I realize that the goal of being able to come up with a paper would have an intrinsic benefit or blessing for me. In going through a lot of materials, I had a chance to read some priceless lessons and moving words of wisdom that gave my life a lift:

-Life is too short for us to miss the good things.
-I want to inspire, to teach, I want to serve, and I want to make my life count. I want to live my life outloud and use every waking moment to bring people to know Christ who has given me the inspiration to live the way He designed life to be enjoyed. And when this journey is over, by God’s grace, I shall have arrived at my destination knowing that it is not the years I have put into my life that counts. It is the life put into years that would have mattered most.
-Never forget that the best revenge is a life well-lived.
-In the end only three things matter: “How fully you lived, how deeply you loved, and how well you learned to let go of things not meant for you.”

I still have a long list of beautiful messages, but I especially chose those few from the book of Francis Kong and Fr. Jerry Orbos, SVD. For my dearest friend, I thank God for you because once again, you were used to show me God’s marvelous ways!

Last week also, I cried because I lost something so valuable. I lost a precious necklace my bestfriend gave me for Christmas. I also discovered (while I was looking for the necklace) that I lost my ring and my only pair of earrings which I haven’t used for months. I am not so fond of jewelries and I am proud I was never obsessed with hanging in my neck and ears bright colored, expensive ornaments to attract remarks such as “that lovely earrings look good on you! Or what a wise investment you have there! Or hey lady, hand me that pair or earrings and necklace or I will slash your throat with this sharp knife I am holding inside my pocket!”

I cried because I considered that necklace (never mind the ring and the earrings) my link to my bestfriend. My bestfriend who used to be my comforter for the past two decades is miles away from me. Whenever sadness would hit me, I will just hold on to my necklace to feel the comfort and the embrace she would have given me if she was by my side.

But in between my sobs and “sorrys,” I told her (via email) that I came to realize that I have matured because while there is so much temptation in my heart to distrust and confront people, I simply prayed that God would detach my life from putting so much value on material things. Whatever I have lost, God will replace it. And whoever got it, God is already doing something to fix him or her.

Another lifter: A former boss sent me a text message which says “describe me with just one word and send it to me. Then send this message to everyone and see how many wonderful things people think of you.” Just for the fun of it, I forwarded the message to some of my friends. A few responded, but there is one friend who texted me with something so unexpected and to my belief, so untrue. I texted her back to refute her but she simply replied that “you really are! You are an inspiration.” I cried because I was so touched. I know that I’ve been trying to change and to live every single moment of my life the best way possible. I write a lot to quench the hunger of my soul for freedom. I laugh a lot to heal my woundedness. I pray a lot to surrender everything to God. I have tried and still trying not to get angry, not to get impatient, not to be affected by the noise and chaos around me, not to gossip! But I never really realized that in consciously trying to live my life in this manner, I am already touching other people’s lives. I am so unworthy of that one word that fits my God or someone who has achieved much in life. But one good person accorded me that description and I am simply thankful she sees me that way. The word by the way which upon reading it, made me utter in silence “Lord, I am not worthy to receive this,” was Perfect.

Saturday night, I watched a beautiful film “All my Life” which stars Aga Muhlach and Kristine Hermosa. And because I am a hopeless romantic, I cried again. The film was a movie about letting every second count. It expresses in a beautiful manner the mantra “Live as if it is the last day of your life, or “I only have one life to live and if I lived it well, one is enough.” or “Dance as if no one is watching, love as if you will never get hurt.”

It speaks of love’s mystery that I can not understand until now- taking risk or taking a chance at love amidst threat of pain. You know, the so-called “some good things never last” sort of thing. But then certain thoughts could really interact in such a harmonious fashion. One song clearly answers my question (This one was originally sang by Julia Fordham, then revived by MYMP and Nina): “Who would have thought this is how the pieces fit, you and I should not even try making sense out of it... Love moves in mysterious ways, it’s always so surprising when love appears over the horizon…I love you, for the rest of my days, but still it’s a mystery of how you ever came to me which only proves love moves in mysterious way...Heaven knows love is just a chance we take, we make plans but the love demands a leap of faith… Even though we think we know which way the river flows, that’s not the way love goes. . .Need I say more?

The last incident: I was in a very sullen mood, and I just decided to give up writing. I don’t know. Maybe I felt as if what I am writing doesn’t really have an impact on people. As if, I am just writing to fill up a space in the weekly issue of the Sorsogon Today. Then one morning, while I was in the tricycle going to Fatima Church, Ninang Elsa, who was seated beside me held my hand and told me “Congratulations Cel, you write very well. We’ve been reading your articles weekly and as a matter of fact, I and Edith are collecting your weekly article.” She informed me later that Edith is very ill. I cried when I entered the church. I was so ashamed that few months ago, I claimed that writing was God’s calling and it is my ministry and yet I am giving up on it so easily, simply because I never know if my talent is being appreciated. As if God heard my insecurity, He sent someone to give me a pat on the back to remind me that I am being used by Him in a very special way. I cried while I prayed, and I prayed while hoping that God would use me to heal Edith. I wish my words can have a power to heal.

For you Edith, please always remember that I will pray for you as often as I could. And that you will find my article every week in this paper because it is God’s will that I inspire you and sends you His message of hope.

I had a good cry as I have said at the start of this article. I cried for reasons that maybe you could not understand. But you know what? Last week was one of the best weeks of my life and I thank the Lord for that!