(that's my hubby and my lovely daughter, Darla)
Today, I am writing about a topic which I should not be writing about. It is not even Valentine’s Day, It is not even my wedding anniversary. I could not really think of any reason why after so many years of living so carelessly, I will pause to ponder on life’s greatest mystery.
Today, I asked: Lord God, why after so many years of spending what I thought a normal happy life, you are trying to teach me Love in a very different way.”
I was wrong. Now, I need to empty myself to understand.
I used to believe that the last person we will ever love gets the best of us. I mean, we tend to consciously outdo the manner we love in the past, maybe to be able to say that the one which is most recent isn’t getting the short end of the stick. It gives us dignity to be able to love fully inspite of the pain of the past or to be able to say that we have chosen wisely this time. I still believe in “saving the best for last,” But for a different reason.
I have read somewhere that love is on the wrong side of the street if after saying “I love you,” we worry if we will ever hear it back. It is the kind of love that expects. And when expectations are not met, we tend to feel hurt, we go out of that loving relationship, look for someone to love again, express love the same way, expects love the same way, then end up how it exactly ended before.
I also have heard somewhere that it is wrong to believe that love completes a person. Saying, I feel I am incomplete at first then when someone comes along, I will finally say “you complete me,” or “having you in my life completes my night and day” is leading to disaster.
Those practices and beliefs about love (I learned and know now) are early signs of love going nowhere but to goodbye.
For love that is the love from God expects and demands nothing, it lets go and sends out another person into the openness and let him be what he is ought to be. It does not suffocate a person into dependency and vulnerability only to frustrate him later because we simply cannot provide everything. We don’t complete love and we don’t expect love to complete us.
We are already complete and when we enter into a loving relationship we only allow another being to experience our completeness.
Love is not really given out for the sake of the other (being selfless). It is truthfully about being able to closely watch what is happening to “who we are” and “who we can become” as we give out love. It is in loving that we create a beautiful world for us, that in worldly manner, we might have defined it as painful, or sad, or lonely, or ecstatic or exhilarating or exciting and yet it is a reality in its highest form because it makes us face who we are only to realize that we can always be more than that. It is always growth without ceasing.
I still believe now in saving the best for last. I still could say that the last person I love gets the best of me. And it is not because of actions or sweet nothings which I have consciously put into that love, but it is because I grow wiser to realize that love is really all about letting go.
I truly can say now, I have loved to the fullest (yet I still should not cease from experiencing it) because I am excitedly anticipating that at the end of my life, I will summon the one I love to tell him: “now talk to me and tell me what has become of you after I let you go.”
(SOURCE: Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch)
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