(I am dedicating this article to one remarkable woman whom I have the privilege of meeting last week...Ma’am, thank you for letting me see through your soul.)
I’ve read somewhere that the best candidates for sainthood are mothers. I guess, it is because no other selfless love and service could come close to what mothers would unconditionally give to their children.
Children do not come to us with a manual. I remember when I was pregnant with Darl, I was subscribing to Baby Magazine. In the cover was the phrase “babies don’t come with a manual.” That is very true, and so, mothers who are writing for this magazine try their very best to share all the knowledge they have in order to assist would-be-mothers on how to go through that crucial stage in life.
But since it is a baby magazine, the scope of their topics has to stop somewhere. And mothers would be left on their own for the rest of their lifetime. I was for quite sometime now in that stage - the stage when I just have to use all my motherly instinct, my faith in God, and my limited knowledge of how to be a mother to make this world a better place for my children. And I tell you, it is never an easy job. As I have said in my article years ago: It is also so hard and so sad I always trace my inefficiencies as a mother to my lack of experience of having one. I lost my mother to a vehicular accident when I was 7 years old.
But then, we could not stop, we could not shout: I give up! I quit being a mom! There is no resignation from this God-given task. For as long as the job is there, we have to press forward.
I have heard of various ways a mother does that makes her qualified for the title. I have heard of a mother who would give her child her share of meal and just content herself with the ‘left-over.’ I have heard of a mother who would give up her career to care for her ailing child. I have heard of a mother shamelessly knocking on all her relatives’ door, begging them to lend her money to pay for her child’s tuition fees. I have heard of a mother who would stay awake the whole night to monitor her child’s temperature. I have heard of a mother who would miss work just to be in her daughter’s play. There are mothers who would beg all the saints and gods known to men just so their ailing child could get well. There would even be mothers who would pray for God to take their life in exchange for the safety and wellness of their children.
And just recently, I have heard of this story straight from this mother who has taken care of her son (with special needs) from the day he was born up to this very day. It has been decades, and she is the only person who would always stand by her son’s side to do the things his son could not do.
I have known their story in a superficial manner. But then, it is different to hear the story from the mother’s point of view. Like any parent would undergo, this mother went through the process of questioning God for her fate. But as a mother, she knows that there is no other way to deal with the situation but to accept it and live with it.
She said she cares for everything he needs to the point that she doubts if she had ever been fair to her other children. She said she put limits on how far she can go through life, because she has a son to take care of. He is a special son, with special needs, and he got that special attention from his mom. And because of this mother’s love, this son is still here when medical science (based on statistics) would say that persons like him have a shorter life expectancy.
I do not know the role I have to play in this story. But then I felt that at that particular instance, I have to somehow assure her that all this time she was right. Right in deciding to care for her son in that manner, right in focusing on him, right in putting limits to her life to be with him, right in trying to control the situation the best way she can to make his environment a safer place to live.
And I was not being tolerant and polite. As a mother, I honor her for what she did and for what she is still doing. You can never question nor judge a mother’s love. I know that now. While as a person, I have my own separate life to live and goals to achieve, the title of being a mom as I have said does not have an end, an expiration date, a maturity date. I cannot resign from it. Resignation would come at the end of my life, and I will have to face the one who gave me this exceptional task. And I will have to answer to Him if I have done my job well.
This mother did what was absolutely asked of her given the situation at hand. The task was challenging, the journey ahead is so blurry. And as the years went by, it proved to be very difficult, yet she just did what she had to do…She just continued being a mother.
When she asked if her other children understood, I had to pause because I really could not speak for them. But judging from the way her other children had become, (all fine women with achievements they really can be proud of) I am pretty sure that they understood. And the more they will understand her sacrifices once they have children of their own. Again, as I have said, you can never question a mother’s love. In her heart is a desperate desire and longing to just give and give till there is nothing left to give, even up to the very point of not being able to live her life, even up to the point of taking all the pain away from her heart or forgetting that there is pain in order to be stronger, in order to shield her child from whatever could possibly hurt him.
To end this, I would like to repeat what I have told this very impressive mom: What is asked of us is to carry our crosses each day willingly, knowing that our sufferings, our sacrifices are for someone we dearly love. In the end of it all, as Mother Teresa puts it: “it is always between you and God.”
Ma’am, if you are wondering if you are giving justice to the role God has given you…I will say YES, God is so pleased with you. For you, saint mother, you are a great mom because your son means the world to you… You are even greater, because to your son, you are his world. God bless you!
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