HEALING

Last week, I wrote about broken relationships. I said that first and foremost, it is prayer that will help us get through the ordeal. Prayer is like a first aid. It is what we need to do immediately in order to save ourselves for the sake of the people we love and for the sake of “ourselves.” Saving ourselves would mean getting over the pain and the hurt inflicted in our self-respect and dignity. This is so because, in failed relationships, we tend to blame ourselves, we push ourselves so low, sometimes we even go as far as blaming other people, and the misery is never stopped.

After I wrote that article, I was made to realize that a lot of souls in this small City needed healing. So let me deal with the issue again. I once again pray that I will be able to walk with you in your journey towards healing.

I am dealing with failed relationships, broken marriages, anything that started good and ended up (or about to end) badly. I am dealing with the wounds of people who are at this juncture, grieving for a loss. Worse, I am talking about tragic relationships which undeniably started as “love-centered relationships” yet ended up in deaths and misery for the wounded victims.

Where are you now? You tried praying and lifting up to the Lord all the heartaches, sentiments, loss and anger, yet it is never enough. Something inside is a wound so deep that cannot be healed. It is too painful to bear that at times you no longer wish to pray, because it feels so useless, it keeps coming back.

You question the heavens, you question your parents, your friends, the way you were brought up, the choices you made, that one false move in your life which might have lead you to this point, wishing you could have turned the opposite way, wishing you were sensible enough to have sensed and anticipated this pain.

You are also in denial, you want to run away, you wish to give up your job, leave everything behind, leave for Manila, for Canada, Baguio, Boracay, Davao anywhere but here, because this place reminded you of how sick life has been.

You run to friends, old and new friends, talking and pouring your heart out, day in and day out, because you simply need someone to talk to. You didn’t notice, you were talking of the same thing each day, and your friends are getting tired of you. Deep inside you also, there is dissatisfaction, your friends could not satisfy you. You wish they would tell you something that would finally put an end to all your tears, but they simply don’t have a clue of what you expect to hear. How can they have a clue, when you, yourself is lost in the dark?

Hey, how do I know all these things? Read, listen to friends’ stories, watch shows on death and separation, and watch closely when you go through this stuff and you will see that those are the normal path of life. The only difference is how we deal with those matters. Some people would walk out of the ordeal unscathed, some would walk out after several months or years of lamentations, some would walk out after enduring all sorts of aftermaths as brought about by various defense mechanisms, some unfortunately, would never ever walk out of that stage. They remain there forever, or they choose to end it completely, or they simply choose to leave the world they know and live in a different world, which we label as insanity.

I am no expert in dealing with my wound until it is completely cured. But one thing I am sure though, as I am writing about this now, is the fact that somewhere, somehow, I always survive. I always help myself survive. It shows in the way I write, that I am creative. I also use that creativity in dealing with life’s many tests.

I pray a lot, I cry a lot, I talk a lot, I write in order to unburden my soul, I allow myself to be hugged because it helps a lot in easing the pain, I use my imagination to feel God’s embrace.

Did I make it sound so easy? As I have said, I am no expert, my wounds maybe so shallow compared to the wounds that is existing in the hearts of so many people in this planet. I could never have a clear understanding of how badly things could turn out for other people, how simple fights could turn into one’s worst nightmare. I never could understand and could honestly say if I still would be creative if I would be pushed too far. Yet as I have repeatedly said, God already matches the trials in our lives with our ability to endure it.

This is my first postulate. It is always a given, a clue! “God will never give us anything we cannot bear.” So whatever you are facing right now, before the panic attack and the temptation to give up, always think that there is already the assurance that you can get through that.

Second postulate- Hope springs eternally. No matter how evil you or others might have been (note that I am already using the word evil to represent something that is in superlative degree), God always gives us hope. God always believes in you no matter what, so don’t be the first to give up on yourself. If bad things were done to you, if you feel that you’ve been repeatedly oppressed, and caused to fall, always strive to live a better life. One writer said that “our best revenge is a well-lived life.” Do not destroy your life just because everybody is against you or everybody puts you down or the love of your life left you. You always have the right to co-exist in this planet. And no one can ever take that right away from you. You can always create a beautiful person amidst all the ugliness that we see in this life! A friend used to tell me, “Always hope, there is always wisdom in waiting, in time God’s wisdom will be revealed.” And I always hope. In my heart, I promise to never lose hope.

Third postulate- In order to start anew, learn to FORGIVE. Ask for forgiveness because one way or the other you have to accept in your heart that you are also accountable. Then forgive yourself and forgive others for everything. When I say everything, that includes the tiny bits and pieces of hatred in the corner of your mind. And everytime you would be tempted to look back, tell yourself: “Hey, you’ve forgiven that already!” We forgive not for the sake of the person who hurt us, but we forgive for the sake of ourselves. Forgiveness is our only way to freedom. We can never be free if our heart is unwilling to forgive. Come to think of it, people in the death row (especially those guilty of murder) have two victims, the first is the actual victim or the one that he murdered and raped. Second, is the survivor, the one left behind, who cannot forgive. The latter, ironic as it may sound, is in a deeper cell or jail.

The last postulate-Finish the business and demand for a closure. After forgiving, start a new life and try not to revisit the past if it would only remind you of the sadness you feel. Close the door and watch at how other doors are being opened. Of course, always remember that healing is a very long process, so if there is ever an instance that you seemed to be going back in circle, start again and focus yourself into healing your soul. To illustrate this further, I am reprinting a short essay by my favorite author Paulo Coelho. With this, let me invite you as you go to the church this weekend, to pray for the healing of the many wounded souls in this planet:

Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts - and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.

Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else. Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment."

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.